Finally, in the end of the hard work you have done finishing your past, here is a way to crack your relationship pattern.
Relationship choices are often based on designs created in our childhood. These designs are automatic and subliminal. We all believe ours is the way relationships ought to be.
There is no problem having a pattern that leads you to caring, satisfying, long-term relationships. However , many people have patterns that cause them nothing but the heartache of not successful relationships.
There is a way out, a way for you to be free of your particular pattern and to be free to create your relationship choices based on the thing you need and want. The best way is to realize where your relationship pattern originates from. Then you can consciously choose what works for you and what doesn’ t, what you want to continue and what you want to stop, and how you would like your next relationship to be.
Below is a powerful exercise. By doing this exercise, you will discover information about your relationships and yourself. Knowledge of yourself is certainly freedom to choose, freedom to act in a different way, freedom to have what you want.
Pattern Tracker©
Section 1 . Instructions: Answer the following issue for all of your significant past relationships. Significant means you had or still have strong feelings about the person. Proceed backwards in your history, starting with the newest relationship. Write down your answers.
What hurtful things did your partner do in your last romantic relationship?
What hurtful things did your partner do in the relationship before that?
What about the relationship before that?
Section second . Instructions: Answer the following questions and write down your answers.
What hurtful things did your parent of the opposite sex perform to his/her partner?
What hurtful things did your parent of the same sex do to his/her partner?
What hurtful things did your parent of the opposite sexual intercourse do to you?
What hurtful matters did your parent of the exact same sex do to you?
Section three or more. Instructions: You will need to refer to your responses from the previous two sections. For making answering the following questions easier, you may want to copy out those responses. Write down your answers.
What are the similarities between the hurtful behaviors of the parents and your past partners?
Would be the behaviors opposite?
Section 4. Guidelines: Answer the following questions, writing down your answers.
Your parents’ relationship with each other and with you could be the basis for your relationship pattern. What types of pattern were you programmed to get in your intimate relationship?
Are you duplicating your parents’ relationship pattern in your own relationships?
Are you reacting to your parents’ relationship by doing the opposite of their design?
Example: (Names and details changed to preserve privacy)
When my client Sonya did this particular exercise, she filled out Section 1 by listing all three associated with her significant relationship partners because unavailable and uninterested. Her most recent partner, Jeff, lives in New York, while she lives in Boston. He was barely making time for her. They were only seeing each other once a month as well as then he would find reasons to end up being away from her. He was really argumentative and would never be the someone to say he was sorry.
Her previous partner, Ronald, simply did not want to continue in their relationship. Every time something would get it wrong, he would back away a little bit more until there was clearly no longer a relationship. Sonya published down that Ronald was not available because he was unable to be emotionally close. He was also uninterested — he did eventually walk away in the relationship. This man was not argumentative, instead avoiding arguments at all cost.
Sonya’ s very first significant partner, Rob, was the love associated with her life. They loved one another deeply, but even that did not keep them together or prevent your pet from doing hurtful things. Because the relationship progressed he started to pull away more and more. Eventually he lost fascination with her physically. They tried to work it out, but he would shy away from confrontation and nothing actually got resolved.
Here is Sonya’ s Section 1:
Jeff was unavailable, indifferent, apathetic and argumentative.
Ronald was not available and uninterested, and avoided confrontation.
Rob was withdrawn, uninterested, and avoided confrontation.
Sonya had to believe hard about Section 2 . She did not want to blame her moms and dads or make them look bad. But as she thought about their romantic relationship with each other and with her, she began to see some patterns.
She remembered her parents quarrelling often. Her mother felt the daddy did not care, did not want the girl, and did not participate in the relationship or the family. Sonya also remembered that her mother was the one who began these arguments and did the particular yelling, while her father first listened and then walked away.
Sonya’ s father did not spend much time with her, but was a good financial support. When the girl father eventually left, he did not stay in touch. Her mother told her over and over how all men eventually lose interest and leave.
Here is what Sonya wrote for section 2:
Father not available, uninterested and avoided confrontation.
Mother argumentative and blaming.
Father not really around for me, not wanting myself, leaving eventually.
Mother told me most of men lose interest and leave.
In order to came to Section 3, Sonya copied out the responses from the previous sections. She came up with the following list:
Jeff was unavailable, indifferent, apathetic and argumentative.
Ronald was not available and uninterested, and avoided confrontation.
Rob was withdrawn, uninterested, and avoided confrontation.
Father unavailable, indifferent, apathetic and avoided confrontation.
Mother argumentative and blaming.
Father not close to for me, not wanting me, departing eventually.
Mother told me all guys lose interest and leave.
In responding to the question, “ What are the similarities between the hurtful behaviors of your parents as well as your past partners? ” she observed many similarities. For example , she noticed that all of the men, with whom this wounderful woman has had a significant relationship, ended up treating her the way her father treated both her and her mother. Sonya also noticed with a gasp that all of her relationships have fulfilled her mother’ s prophecy.
In answering the question, “ Are the behaviors opposite? ”, she noticed that Jeff, her most recent romantic relationship partner, was argumentative. In this way he was the opposite of her dad and more like her mother.
Here is Sonya’ s Section 3:
Father not available to me and mother; I discover men who are not available.
Father was uninterested in mother and me; I find men who lose interest within me.
Father avoided confrontation; 2 of the three relationships were along with men who avoid confrontation.
Father left; I attract men who have eventually leave. And mother informed me they would.
A man who is argumentative could be the opposite of my father, but exactly like my mother.
Finally, Sonya came to Section 4. What kind of a romantic relationship pattern was she programmed regarding? The answered seemed obvious: exactly the kind of pattern she has been residing out, where the men with whom she’ s in a relationship turn out to be unavailable, lose interest and eventually leave. She actually is programmed to have relationships that are domed to fail because she is along with partners who cannot work through the relationship for fear of confrontation.
She had to answer “ yes” when asked if she was repeating her parents’ relationship design in her own relationships. She also had to answer “ yes” whenever asked whether she was doing the opposite of her parents. And she realized that doing the opposite got the girl the same exact result.
Here is Sonya’ s Section 4:
I was programmed to have a relationship pattern where my partner will become unavailable, losing interest in myself and eventually leaving.
I am exactly duplicating the pattern in my parents’ romantic relationship.
Sometimes I have done the opposite associated with my parents’ relationship, but obtained exactly the same result.
If you do the workout yourself, I’ m certain you’ ll have some great realizations, maybe even a sense of relief. You will better understand why you attract and are attracted to certain kinds of partners. You will understand your relationship pattern. And in understanding your pattern, you will be able to break it and break free.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com